What Matters Most

I'm sorry there was no new post last week.  My grandfather unexpectedly passed away.  It was bittersweet.  He had been talking about my grandmother the past few months incessantly.  She passed in 1991, so he's been without her a very long time.  We miss him terribly, but believe he is in heaven, finally reunited with Grandma.

Also, something wonderful happened.  For several years, but especially the last year, my grandfather has been trying to get the whole family together again.  When my grandma was alive, we used to get together quite often.  We had these HUGE Christmas gatherings at their house.  They had 7 kids and 17 grandchildren....so you can imagine what a packed house THAT was!!  But my grandmother died and we fell apart a bit....we all still saw Pap, but not so much each other.  He would talk about this cousin or that when I saw him, but getting the whole family together never happened.  But, this amazing happened during the three days of his funeral service -- we were all together again, all of us.  All the aunts and uncles, cousins, and now all of us with Pappy's 29 great grand-kids  (and 1 great great grandson!). We reminisced and remembered all the fun we had; we talked and hugged, cried and laughed.  It was wonderful.  And now, we all found each other on Facebook, to continue to stay in touch and plan future events.  We all realized by Saturday, the day we buried him next to my grandmother, that this was Pap's gift to all of us --he brought us all together again through his death the way he always wanted.

So, you probably can deduce for yourself the point behind this week's post:  Life is short.  Make room in your life for the people you love.

We can get so caught up in the "act" of decluttering.  Even I can find myself sidelining my kiddos and putting off their calls for me to play dolls or a game with them because I'm busy decluttering and reorganizing a closet.  I have this craving to get it all done, and done NOW!  But, that's not the best way, it exhausts us and defeats the purpose.  So, to use an old cliche, remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.  Your home did not get filled like this overnight and it will not get cleared overnight.   I thought of my pap 10 times more than I actually saw him... and now he's gone.  I sure wish I had even one more visit with my pap right now than a clean closet.

So, slow and steady. You can begin in the easiest way possible and the way that will instantly bring you more time: stop shopping!  if you make a commitment to stop acquiring more things, you will reclaim first the time spent shopping for these things, then the time spent caring for them, and of course the time spent decluttering them when you realize you really didn't need it as much as you once thought you did!  

As for what's already in the house: spend half an hour in full focus on one area: one drawer, one shelf, one corner.  I suggest starting with the spaces that bother you the most.  For me, it was my bedside area.  I was so disheartened going to sleep amd waking up staring at mess!  But, find the space that matters most to YOU and start there.  Reclaim that small space in a few minutes, no more than an hour ( or else continue it tomorrow) and then go play a game with your kiddos, make time to go to the park with a friend, or go visit your grandparents or parents.  Don't lose sight of the reason behind simplifying.  Remember, material things are both expendable and replaceable, but people and time are not!

My son Elijah, and my grandfather:  Albert Summers, Jr.

My friend stopped by unexpectedly today

I have this great friend that pops in every now and again, unexpectedly. I am REALLY glad she does this, and I tell her so. She has 2 school/ preschool aged kids, but I have younger kiddos and the older ones we homeschool. Its a bit of a production to plan a day out of the house to visit a friend. Its the kind of thing I tend to put off. Especially in winter. I readily admit I become a bit of a hermit in the winter and kind of hibernate with the kids. So, here she is at my door today, as she has done periodically for a long time.

Now, prior to today, for the past months since I have had my son, (except for at the very beginning when things were still well maintained from my "denesting" when I was pregnant), she inevitably pops by and my house is a WRECK. There are dishes piled in the sink (even though I'm suppossedly "flying" and according to the Flylady system my kitchen sink is suppossed to be a virtual shrine of cleanliness), there are cheerios ground into the carpet (even though we don't eat outside the kitchen), there are toys strewn EVERYWHERE, and the contents of whatever big purge and organize project I am working on are all strewn about whatever room it is (sometimes multiple rooms). Now, I am the kind of person that when a friend shows up at the door, then you invite them in. The relationship and the person is more important and not doing a good job keeping up with the housework is NOT a good enough reason to me to turn someone away whom I very much want to see. The embarassment that comes with it is simply fuel to my fire to make a change. So, in she comes, I laugh off the mess, kick the toys out of her way, clear a spot on the table with all the breakfast dishes and spilled oatmeal still on it, spray and wipe it all off and welcome her to have a seat. I usually sweep around her feet just to get the grody stuff off the floor in the kitchen, but aside from that we sit and have our chat.

Yet, here's the thing: 9 times out of 10, when I talk on the phone to my friends, at the beginning of the call when you both are like "Hi, how are you?" and then you say "What are you doing?"...that part? Well, 9 times out of 10, my answer is (or has been) the past months "I'm cleaning...or "I'm organizing this...." etc. etc. In fact, my cousin has pretty much stopped asking me what I'm doing, though she will ask if I have time to talk. I don't pick up the phone at all if I'm doing school with the girls, so I think she figures if I answer the phone and 'm doing something OTHER than cleaning or organizing, then I will just tell her so! The difficult part of going through this process of downsizing is that when you are in charge of many kiddos and especially if you have other time-consuming responsibilities (like homeschooling), in order to devote time to the project, (cleaning this corner of the room; reclaiming this desk space; clearing out this closet, etc) it just takes time away from your normal everyday household tasks. I mean, where else do you find the time you need? And, in a home with lots of kiddos in it, sometimes this translates to another part of the house getting utterly TRASHED while your attention is diverted and the little ones take full advantage of it. Do you all feel this way? Its like you can't take a step forward in one area of the house without falling two steps back in another way!

Its funny how big projects/ life changes like this work. Its like you feel like you are making NO progress, but you keep plodding away anyways. One day its like you woke up and POOF -- you're there. Atleast, that's how it has been for me. Because, I have felt for so long that this friend either must think I'm lying to her about the amount of work I actually do or lying to MYSELF about all that I'm accomplishing.... or just a chronic failure when it comes to housekeeping in general. So, today she popped by again for the first time in several weeks. Things weren't HORRENDOUS last time she stopped by about five or six weeks ago, but still weren't great. But, today I was so happy. Because, there were NOT cheerios ground into the carpet, or my latest organizing project all over the floor, or toys strewn about. There WERE a few dishes in the sink. There were two large bags of items waiting in my kitchen to be moved tomorrow to the porch for the Veterans of America pick up on their truck. (For free!!! Of any amount! Call them!) For the first time since my son was born I was able to have an unexpected visitor over without one shred of embarrasment.

So, you ask. Why do I bring all this up? Well, to tell you THIS:

You are not alone.

I don't want to give you the wrong impression. You can't ever really have a true and accurate measure of someone until you walk around in their shoes for a while. And, that doesn't happen. People, especially woman, have this tendancy to go "WOW. Now SHE has it all together! I wish I could have it together like her. So, what's wrong with me?" But, the fact of the matter is that what you don't know might surprise you... We often hear about people's accomplishments without hearing the tale that goes with it. There's always a story. More often than not, it will surprise you to hear it told.

So go easy on yourself. A picture doesn't say a thousand words. Or rather, sometimes it leaves a few thousand out. Even the best of us have bad days, or weeks, or months. Mine happened just like anyone else's, and they'll happen again. I HAVE learned some things in the process, though. My reasons for all those embarrasing visits by my friend are probably going to take their own post! But, the point is, they happened and I still lived to tell the tale. You will too!!

We meet at last!

Welcome! I'm glad you're here! Actually, I'm glad I'm here too. It means I've gotten out of the endless elevator known as "procrastination" and simply accepted the fact that I will always be needed elsewhere and I am going to do this anyway! I have finally made a space for all the blog posts I've been writing in my head (and rattling off between diaper changes and my 34th cry of "Mommy!!!" of the day) at various web forums. Everything else can wait, atleast for now (as I write this, my three year old just dumped a jar of pickle juice on the floor. Throw a towel at it, keep typing) but more about ALL of this later!

So, that's me! Not the most flattering pic of me, but I love it because of the memory - I shot that on the fly in my bathroom mirror because my 7 month old son was just having too much fun riding around on my back for the first time (we had done only front carries till then!). Well, here's the very barest basics: I'm a 31 year old wife and mom to 4 kids: 7 and 4 year old girls, and 3 year old and 7 month old boys. While I'm at it, here's a pic of the rest of the crew:

Don't mind the pumpkin... yes it IS several months old, but the snow in the window is pretty and they are all lined up smiling at me over their oatmeal (haha!! What? Oh, well yes, OF COURSE this happens every morning....just like this (ahem!!!!)

Well, here we are! There will be plenty of time for more about all of us later on. For now, let's talk titles! A blog title is this ominous thing... atleast for me. Namely becuase I firmly believe that your blog title should pretty much be your URL to save headaches for all involved later on. And of course, since we are planning on being SOOO widely read (**snicker**), it helps to be google-able. So, due to my long ride with our old friend procrastination I have had PLENTY of time to think about this. So why "home made minimal"? Maybe you have noticed that you can read that lots of ways. When you think of the words "home-made" what comes to mind? Hot apple pie? Grandma's thick crochet afghan? A crayoned masterpiece by your six year old? Yup. All of this. Homemade is cozy. Homemade is quality you can rely on; it means there's just as much love stitched up or drawn on or crafted in as any of its other materials. That's the kind of cozy, familiar everyday world that I like to be in. In fact, my world is my home - 90% of it anyways. I'm a wife ("Hey babe!"), a mom ("Just a minute!!"), a teacher (we homeschool), a writer (ta da!) I do all of these things from the sweet confines of home. Home is certainly where we make it all happen! Home for us is a 875ish sq. ft 2 bed 1 bath suburban townhouse. Tiny? It USED to feel a lot tinier than it does now! Small? Definately! But we make it work! The biggest part of what makes life manageable is weeding out the unnecessary (both material and immaterial) that clutter up life and detract us from our goals. I'd certainly define myself as a minimalist, and you'll be hearing a lot more about what I think that means -- (and I sure hope you will share your thoughts with me too! But for now, suffice it to say my own personal brand of minimalism means making your life and your home reflect what's most important to you.

We are definately on a journey. This philosophy of living the basics and cutting life down to what's most important really began several years ago now, so I hope to share some of our greatest successes with you and maybe you can help me muddle through some of our "work in progress" things! I hope this blog will be a place I can share great fun with you! I don't intend to compartmentalize and blog about just one area of our life... I'm hoping we'll chat about all sorts of things. So stick around! It'll only get better....but my casserole won't. If I don't get it out of the oven now, it's going to burn.